When I was 17 years old, my best friend lost his life to mental illness. I have always created paintings related to my PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), but never any related to my healing process since his death. The colours in the underpainting layers represent a dream where I saw him again. The black gestural strokes and willow charcoal represent my thoughts and memories of him. At times, my recollections are faint, reflected in the varying intensity of brushstrokes across the canvas. The colours red, blue, and purple represent my love and friendship in spite of my unwillingness to forgive. This painting is my first attempt at forgiveness. The white-yellowish layer represents my hell: plain and austere: lifeless. An artist’s hell, where one feels, sees, and hears nothing. No beauty exists; no one else exists. The yellow tones represent my pieces coming back together after being fragmented for years.

Acrylic and Willow Charcoal on canvas, 24 x 30 inches.